i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
