also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
