Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
