the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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