dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize