he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
