so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
