I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Never joke about your clitoris.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
