Just fell off a train. Bad.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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