Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
