Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
