dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
