i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just google imaged poop.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
