Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
