im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
