Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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