I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
