dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You are the jesus of drinking
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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