Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
