I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
