just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
