Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
