You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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