After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
All I want is dick and wine.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
