I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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