I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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