Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
