ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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