id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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