i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
