Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
