Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
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Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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