DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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