You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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