accomplished twins. life is a go
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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