yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
