You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
