You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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