Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
