you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
