Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
