I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
