I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
