What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
