On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
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