come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms