Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
