I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
