how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
