Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
