she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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