we're chasing vodka with high fives
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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