it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
