I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
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You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I need moral support for this bender
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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