I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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