please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
