Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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