Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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