were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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