i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
