Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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