she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
