You're so nebulous sometimes
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dating After Heartbreak
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK