batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
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So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.