i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
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so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
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I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job