dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I lost the right to judge tonight