I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...