So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging