im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
